This Is November?

The weather forecast for the next 3 days: Mid to upper 70's and rain. Thursday's forecast: Lower 40's and a chance of snow. Yes this is November in North Central Texas.

The past few days have been nice, albeit cloudy at times. It has been warm (70's) and my wife and I have enjoyed our evening walks the past few days.

Work. I am not lazy but I really do not enjoy being here...or maybe I just do not enjoy working on this account. I have been involved with the support of my primary (okay, only) customer for over 10 years and I think I am getting tired of it. I used to rush to work, put in 50+ hours a week, be on call, attend meetings and try very hard to make things succeed but I don't do that anymore. I force myself out of bed to go to work early only because I can leave early. I work just about 4o hours a week, but I am still on call, only now it is all the time, 24 by 7. I attend a few meetings a week, but my heart is really not in it.

I have tried to analyze why I feel this way and think I have an answer, but it is not a singular one...it has many part to it:

1) I am tired of the constance "downsizing" of our group.
2) I am tired of office/departmental politics.
3) I am tired of corporate I/T.

I am not a lazy person. Most every manager I have ever had has given me kudos for hard work. However, lately I find myself being more like those around me...doing what is required and nothing more. I am not lazy and when I have a fully plate I will find a way to get it done. I am not letting things pile up...everything that has been assigned to me is done. As a matter of fact, I have taken it upon myself to do other jobs that are not in my scope of work just to fill the time.

I just ended a long weekend (Thanksgiving Holiday) and very few times did I think about work. I enjoyed not having to go and be part of the rat race known as corporate America. I enjoyed getting up and doing things around the house, helping my wife, doing yard work and not having to follow a schedule. It felt natural. It felt good. Sometimes I get depressed when I realize that I will have to do this for at least 25 more years.

I once said that if I were to win the lottery I would still work, no matter how much I won. I am beginning to rethink that notion. Getting up and preparing for another day in an office is taxing when you do not look forward to it. It is just not any fun to be part of corporate I/T anymore, at least from what I see of it. Maybe it is the provider-customer relationship we have. I used to work for our customer back when they did their own IT and I enjoyed it. It is not that I do not like who I work for, but how we support the customer we have. The whole thing is mired down in red tape, e-mails, SMS messages, and ongoing meetings. It is all politics. I could, if I wanted to, make myself very visible and very busy. I could be involved in many issues that I do not need to, just to be visible by my customer. While it would be good politically, it would most likely drive me insane. My mobile phone would never stop ringing, I would never enjoy a vacation, and I would be married to my job. I do not want that. There was a time that I was married to my job but that is behind me. I know this sounds strange, but I miss (to some degree) working hourly. You go in, punch a clock, do your work, punch out, and go home. No on call, no pager, no 3 AM wake up calls informing you of a major server outage in some off site location in a third world country.

"El Gee, stop complaining. Do your job or find another."

I wish it was that simple. There are a few things that are working against me. First, I/T is about all I am qualified to do right now. I could try to get some more education, but without experience, I do not have much hope in getting a job. Second, I am not able to do the same physical work I used to be able to do. Lift more than 30 lbs is not good for my back and most places have a "50 lb lift requirement" that I cannot meet.
Lastly, and maybe the most critical is the fact that I will not get the salary I make now starting over in the job market. When this job ends, things are going to get tight. Now I have a plan, but there is no guarantee that it will work and I am hesitant to try it without a big cushion to fall back on.

Now, with all that in mind, do I need to just buck up and tolerate the situation until it is gone or do I continue looking for a different job (internally), or consider external job placement? I have to keep in mind that I am supporting a wife and 2 dogs right now and anything I do will impact them.


I am glad the job market is looking up and I have faith that God will allow me to keep providing for my family in case something happens.