Writing about my personal (Read: girlfriends) life is not easy. For some guys this would be a chance to brag about all the notches on their bedposts, maybe dishing up a little dirt here and there, dropping a few names to make others jealous, or just out right lying about their adventures in romance land. I cannot and will not do that. There are a lot of reasons but no matter what the reason, it just is not me.
The first "love interest" I ever had was when I was about 12 or 13 years old. Her name was Rebecka and she was a tomboy. Neither cute nor unattractive...she was strictly "plain Jane". I knew her from school, but I do not remember seeing her there all that often. We used to perform science experiments on her porch with plants and insects that we collected nearby. While the memories of our friendship are pretty vague, I do remember that she pursued me (and I have no idea why) and we eventually started discovering little out of the way places to be alone. The first place we used was the back seat of her mother's garaged car. I remember that the car was not driven much and was stored in a large garage with several other cars. She would get the key and we would go in the back seat to be alone. This went on for a few months and then it just stopped. There was never a mention of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and it was only kissing. No feelings were hurt and I get the feeling that we were just testing the waters. As a matter of fact, we spoke to each other regularly over the next 4 years or so.
Over the next few summers, my interest in girls began to grow but my lack of confidence and understanding of them did not. By the next summer I was pursued again, this time by one of a set of twin's...sisters of a local tough guy, Joe. At first I was a bit worried about spending time with the her (I did not need my skull caved in), but it was all good. I guess he did not really have much to worry about. I only spent part of the summer hanging out with her. Her family ended up moving later on that year and I was out a lip locking partner again.
My romances were limited over the next few summers to vacation acquaintances. Every year when my family went camping or visited my half brother in Ohio, I usually met someone I could hang with until I came back home. The encounters never amounted to anything very memorable but they did help me grow some. Rebecka and I found some time to be alone a couple of times during this period as well, but not in the garage. We retreated to the woods where there were plenty of places to be alone.
During my freshman year of junior high school I became a bit enamored with a girl a couple of years younger than me. She was the sister of a guy whom I befriended a couple of years before. I thought she was very cute and actually pursued her for a while. Nothing ever became of it, but it was the first time I took the initiative. I kept my eyes open, just in case.
When I was 16, Rebecka and I crossed paths again. To make a long and very personal story short, I spent the night with her at her sister's mobile home. It was a cold winter night and it had been snowing off and on all evening. I got up very early the next day and walked the 3+ miles back to my house in the cold. Many boys would have been on cloud nine, but I wasn't. I felt tainted.
My senior year in high school ushered in my first real "girlfriend". She was on the color guard at our high school and being associated with her put a nice feather in my cap. I watched her in the parades, we spent time at her house, she came to my house...all the normal things. I even got her an Agnor belt...something very stylish at the time. However, things did not progress as I had hoped and we broke up about 3 months later. For the first time in my life, I actually hurt from a relationship.
1983, during the last half of my senior year, I began watching soap operas (what was I thinking) with a couple of girls (Ellen and Julia) I had met the previous summer. During the course of the summer, I became infatuated with Ellen and to complicate matters, Julia became infatuated with me. Julia never told me directly that she liked me, but she made very strong hints. I largely ignored the hints and kept on pursuing Ellen. Ellen confused me...she appeared to be playing hard to get, but at the same time she appeared to be hiding something. She eventually ended up helping me get a job at McDonald's, but she still never went out with me. Later on I found out why. She was leading a bit of a double life by dating a drug dealer who lived in a very bad part of town. She enjoyed the bad boy types, but did not want anyone to know that is who she was dating. In her own weird way, she was protecting me.
Over the next few years I dated here and there, mostly girls I met at work. I started working at McDonald's shortly after I turned 18 and that opened up a whole new social environment to me. On several occasions, I was scheduled to help a new female employee through orientation and in the process of orientation or training, one of us would ask the other one out. Most of the time it was pretty low key...one or two dates then we would both move on. A few times one of the managers that I got along with pretty well warned me about a girl I was interested in. While I was not sure why, I heeded the advice and stayed clear. It did not take too long to find out why I was warned. In one case, the girl was trying to make her boyfriend jealous (she had told me that she had broken up with him) and in another, I was being warned to steer clear of my former high school sweetheart who had just gotten a job where I worked. I think all that did was delay the inevitable.
There was one girl I dated at McDonald's that did not end after a couple of dates. Shelly was a little bit different than most of the girls I went out with. She was funny redhead, a little "bigger boned" than I normally was attracted to, and divorced. We hit it off very well and it was not long before we went out. We had drinks a few times and took drives (she even was my co-pilot during a game of "cat and mouse"), but we spent a lot of time at at my parent's house, her apartment, or at her parent's house. We had a good time whenever we went out. It was not too long before we rented a house (not to far from where KD lives now) and moved in together. That living arrangement lasted a little over a month. She quit her job and since I could not afford the place on my own, I moved back in with my parents. I believe she did the same. There is more to this saga, but it becomes personal and painful. I draw the line at posting it. Sorry, my blog, my rules.
The intermittent dating continued with gals from work and friends of friends. I went on a few double dates with Stupid Bill (SB), his girlfriend and her sister. Later on, SB's girlfriend introduced me to one of her friends and we went out a time or two, but again...nothing clicked. I began to get a bit depressed because I was not able to find a girlfriend. I spent far too many evenings wandering the mall, wasting time. Alone.
One of those late evenings as the mall was closing, I walked by a small engraving shop and saw my HSS (High School Sweetheart - the third and final time she would be in my life). She was just closing up shop and I stopped to say hi to her. She needed a ride home and I obliged. Another long story made short...I should have listened to that manager back at McDonald's. About six months later, my HSS and I were married and had a child on the way. The marriage lasted 5 years and spanned 2 different states. What I thought was love...that must have been lust.
After my HSS and I parted company (READ: Divorced), I dated very infrequently. I had been burned so bad that the last thing I wanted was romance in my life. I tried to get back into a regular dating routine, but every woman I went out with just did not click with me. With the few women I dated over the next couple of years, I went out with each less than three times. Every single one of them was either looking for a father for their kids or they wanted some quick action. While this may sound strange, I did not want either. I still had an emotional attachment to my last relationship and I could not bring myself to be intimate with someone at that time.
I was about to give up and become a social recluse when a co-worker arranged a blind date with a female friend of his. This co-worker was "an inhabitant of rural America" (READ: redneck) and any date he could set up had the potential for disaster, but I allowed him to talk me into going out with the woman. In all honesty I am glad he did and I am glad I accepted. I met he friend Stacy at his place (go ahead and laugh...he lived in a mobile home in the country) and I was blown away. She was very attractive and had a southern drawl that I find so endearing. I asked her if she had eaten and when I found that she was as hungry as I was, we went to Chili's. We talked for quite some time before I returned her to her car. That started a 3-4 month dating relationship that helped convince me that all women were not whores. My had really been burned by my ex and was not thinking too highly of the fairer sex at that time.
I am sure that Stacy and I would have dated longer and gotten very serious had it not been for one thing...the fact that I had been married before. He father was a stickler for traditions and he viewed me as damaged goods. I knew better than to argue with "Daddy" so we agreed to stop dating. While I was hurt, I was not dejected. As a matter of fact, a month or two later, I was asked by one of my room mates to if I would mind joining him, his date, and his date's good friend on a double date. I agreed and had a rather enjoyable evening with them.
I had decided I was just going to take life one day at a time and not stress over the fact that I did not have a girlfriend to spend time with. I was very comfortable with when out of nowhere love found me. Cliche, yes, but it is true. A few months after I moved in with the "2 Live Jews" (inside joke), I started attending community college to further my education, at the behest of one of my house mates. During my very first class, a married female student who was born and raised in my home state, introduced me to a friend of hers. Yet another long story made short, I married that "friend" about a year and a half later. For the first time in my life, I was in love.
The readers of my blog who know me personally will undoubtedly notice the lack of intimate details. There are several reasons for that: 1) I want to keep this blog at a PG level when possible. 2) My sexual history is my business. Yes, I have had a few one night stands but I am not proud of them. 3) No one wants to be compared to another person. Some feelings were probably hurt during at least one (and most likely more) of my relationships and I do not want to add to that hurt.
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