Of Men and Their Weaknesses

A few months ago I felt God leading me to find an "accountability" partner. An AP is a person to whom I could go to and privately explain my struggles and fears, as well as to pray with and for, someone who would not judge, but who would rebuke me (in a Christian manner) when I fall short. Last Thursday, I approached a man in our church, who I will call Ben*. While visiting with Ben and his family, I took him aside privately and asked him to consider my request. The look on his face took the wind out of my sails. I told him that, "'No' was an acceptable answer. Do not agree to this task lightly. My private thoughts and yours will be on the line." I asked him to pray about it and get back to me when he felt his answer had been given to him. That was on Thursday. Friday afternoon, on his way home, he called me and stated that he was happy to accept. He was concerned at first, that he was not strong enough to fulfill the job, but he said that it was the right thing to do. He was guided by the Holy Spirit as well as a sermon he had recently heard to do this.

I began to open up, bit by bit on Friday to him. He listened. We agreed to exchange books (Every Man's Battle for Wild at Heart) once we were both finished reading our books. It was a good conversation and he told me that he would keep up with me via e-mail and phone. I was pleased.

Monday rolls around and I get a call from Ben. He is in good mood and begins to tell me of his struggles. I listen. I empathize. I give him my thoughts and opinions. He listens. He agrees on some of them. I find he and I have a similar weakness in the computer/internet area with music. I have told him my goals and what I have accomplished so far. He seems impressed (not that I was pushing for that) that I have made this progress without external (not discounting God in this) help.

I told him of my struggles. He was very understanding. Men will understand each other's weaknesses, especially Christian men. Women, as wonderful and caring as they are, are not programmed/wired in a way that would allow them to understand. This is not my opinion, this is a fact. For the women reading my blog, please take no offense. Only women can truly understand the struggles women face. Men are not programmed/wired the same way. We have to REALLY get past our basic programming just to begin to grasp at women's issues/struggles/weaknesses.

Men, if you think you understand the way a woman is wired/programmed by God, you are truly blessed. It takes a long time just to understand the basics. Also men, I am going to give away a secret we have to women, so they can better understand us. Go ahead and get mad if you want to and argue that "I am not that way. If you think that way then you must be a pervert", but God wired men a certain way. If he didn't the population of the earth would dwindle to nothing. So with that tasty nugget to savor, here is the main course.

Women, here it is: men are sexual creatures. We have been wired by God that way on purpose, just as he wired you (well, most of you that is) to be more emotional based. We are the "yin and yang", "peas and carrots", "PB and J", etc. We (men and women) just go together. We compliment each other. We (initally) are drawn to your beauty and you (initally) are drawn to our ability to provide and protect.

Every man is tempted (you must understand that temptation is not sin. Jesus was tempted, he did not sin) by flesh. Flesh is weak. Spirit is so much stronger. We are BOMBARDED with sexual imagery all day long: at work (the clothing of our female colleagues), music (sexually charge lyrics), the internet (pop-ups and banner ads with scantily clad women), billboards (Have you really looked at them?), movies (Duhh), TV (Sex in the City, Friends, etc) the gym (the clothing that is worn there is just not acceptable at all), and even at your son's high school football game (the pep squad/color guard/etc have the most provocative outfits I have ever seen. They just scream, 'LOOK AT MY BUTT!'). Now, remember that while you think about the fact (yes, it is a fact) that men are wired to be more VISUALLY oriented than women are. See? Now do you see why we struggle? God wants us to notice beauty, but SIN has perverted God's desire for us to notice your beauty into a temptation to look at others the same way we look at our wives.

Now, so I do not sound like some sort of (please pardon this expression from my youth) "whore dog", I do a very good job of being a man of integrity. I practice what is called "eye bounce" when I notice something/someone that I should not be looking at. With that, when you see something that is "off limits", you "bounce" your eyes to something else. While this may be difficult if you are driving in a neighborhood and some female is running along side the road (or in the road as it happens so much here), you move that to the edge of your field of vision until you pass them and then you keep going. DO NOT LOOK in the rearview mirror. After a while it becomes second nature. Doing this enough helps a man "rediscover" how enticing his wife is to him.

When it comes to the internet, I simply use Firefox or Mozilla as my web browser and turn on pop-up blockers and configure the ad-block extension to block the ads. It not only keeps me focused, but my pages load quicker. Not a bad trade off.

With e-mail, I get a lot of spam. A large chunk of it is adult based (get a date tonight, make your p*nis larger, etc) and is usually followed by a graphic. I simply tell my mail client (Mozilla, Thunderbird, Outlook Express, etc) to make all mail text based instead of web page based and I never have to see the ads.

I think that covers most of what I need to do. I have almost stopped watching TV (we are down to basic cable now, for the broadband access), only go to fantasy/sci-fi movies every couple of months, and sit away from the pep squad when I attend sporting events.

My wife tosses the lingerie catalogs away after she has glanced through them, or we just do not have them delivered. We "commercial skip" when possible since a lot of late night TV has some trashy commercials.

My wife is fully aware that men (including me) struggle. She is proud of me for being honest with her. So, if she understands, why do need an accountability partner? Well, if I stumble, I will be too embarrassed (initially) to tell my wife. But if I have a AP, I can confess, be rebuked, pray, then tell my wife. Admitting things that you have done wrong is difficult. A good wife makes it easier. I cannot imagine being a single Christian man. I would literally go crazy.

Now one last thing on the subject, then I am going to lunch. If any woman who is reading this is disgusted, then you should be disgusted with yourself. If you wore a tight skirt JUST ONE TIME to work, you contributed to this. If you left you lingerie catalogue out and asked your husband or boyfriend to pick out something for you ON HIS OWN, if you watch "Friends", "Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives" (or any other trashy show) or allow him to watch Spike TV for hours, you have enabled him. Don't blame him completely. It is your job to lovingly keep him honest. He has the biggest part, but you women have to do your part as well.

Just think about it.



*Ben is not his real name.