It Made Me Think...

I was listening to KWRD-FM (Talk Radio) today on the way to work. I was just going to drive in silence, just me and God, but something told me to turn on the radio. I am glad I listened.

The speaker that half hour was Ken Davis, a very gifted speaker and comedian. He was speaking about all sorts of things but the one thing he ended on (for this segment...part two will be tomorrow) was how at 16, he "got it". He was not gifted with outstanding athletic ability, which was one thing that was admired (and still is) in school. He realized (after much trial and error) that life is not about what you do, it is about what you do WITH IT. Find your purpose and give it all you have.

I did not "get it" for a long time. In high school, I really did not fit it with any of the groups. I was not athletic enough to hang out with the jocks (even though I did letter in Track and Field my Senior year), nor was I smart enough to hang out with the brainiacs. I was not bad enough to hang with the "bad crowd" (thankfully!) and I had no musical ability so the band kids were not overly accepting either. I was not "popular" or "good looking" or overly smart (even though I graduated in the top 15% of my class). I had no group to call my own. Being poor, I tried to hang with the poorer kids, but because a large number of the poorer kids were smokers, drinkers, or drug users and did not do any of that, I failed to fit in there. I even tried hanging with the thespians since I had been in a few productions at school. No place I went made me fill like I fit. I ended up floating from group to group looking for my niche until my senior year, when I was able to leave school after my last class of the day at 11:33 AM. Of course that did not solve things, that only gave me a chance to venture further down the dark path.

I was not a "bad" kid, although I think my actions were pretty typical of many kids who are not raised in a Christian home. I smoked for a few months until I started running Track, then I switched to dipping snuff. I dipped snuff for a few years but it really was not for me. I drank only after high school (although I tried beer a couple of times before I graduated, I never "drank"), but I experimented with drugs a couple of times a year from 16-20. From 16-20 I was somewhat sexually active. A few were "1 nighters" but most were "friends with benefits" as the kids call it.

Why did I do all the things that I did then? To fit in. My family life was not Christian based (although my mother was a Christian and my father later gave his life to Christ before he died) and since I did not have that as a solid foundation, I looked to my peers for answers and approval. The groups I floated in and out of had different ways of socializing. One smoked, another drank, and a third slept around. While I did not stay with those groups long, their influence was received and when I found/created my group, the patterns were set.

Parents should be interested in what their children/teens are doing and with whom they are doing those things. If you family is not practicing Christianity and you are not providing a foundation of rules/guidelines/morals, you are setting your kids up to get hurt. I had a lot of issues from 16-20 that I was looking to fix...and a relationship with Jesus Christ was not the fix I got. It is not that I did not know better, but I did not have a strong Christian man (father) explain to me where I was failing. I was looking for answers in beer and wine bottles, the back seat of my car, in baggies of pot, and packs of cigarettes. I wasted so much time trying to figure "it" out and I can never get those years back.

Things did not get much better after 20. In some ways they got worse. I found myself a father as well as a husband to a women who did not really want me nor did I love her. Our past sins crept into our marriage life and our lives fell apart. Drugs, alcohol, abuse (mental and physical) scarred both of us. The next 5 years were a nightmare. When that relationship ended, neither one of us came out unscathed. We both were wounded and scarred mentally. We literally hated each other.

Over the next 2 years I attempted to get my life back on track but made errors along the way that again were attempts to fit in. At first it was pretty harmless. I was the designated driver when we went out. No booze while I drove 3-5 drunks around and had them pay for my food and sodas. Things eventually intensified as I began spending what little disposable income I had at strip clubs. Oddly enough, I was celibate the entire time I was separated and divorced from my first wife until I met my current wife, the love of my life. I drank and visited strip clubs before I met Mrs El Gee, but after we started dating, I began to understand. I was beginning to get "it".

I will be 41 this year. Out of the 41 years, I have only bee a Christian about 10. And of those 10, only about 3 have been spent "getting it". It took a lot. I am not a very flexible person with some things. I can get stubborn. I am arrogant and prideful at times. However, there is a a good thing about that. 5 years ago, I did not KNOW I was arrogant and prideful. I know that now and that helps keep me grounded.

If you were to ask my wife if all the years of putting up with my pride and arrogance was worth the fight, she would say "yes". I know it has been hard for her. As a matter of fact, being married to me the first 10 years or so was most likely the most difficult thing she has ever done. How did she do it? She put her faith in God. He had given here all the tools she needed to stand beside me as I grew as a Christian and a man. She did not think she would make it. She ALMOST gave up (not that I would have blamed her). But she did not.

Families need to stick together and work on issues. They need a base that they can build off of and I cannot think of a more stable foundation than the love of Jesus Christ.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.