Heart Breaking

This story has broken my heart. Dear Lord, this man was her step-father. Although the outcome (a pregnancy and birth) are not common, I fear the rape part is. I have heard too many stories from friends who have been or know someone who has been molested/raped as a child.

When a man starts a family, he has an obligation to be human. Animals copulate among the pack, humans do not. We have a higher consciousness that seperates us from the animal kingdom. This man has proven me wrong, not all of us do.

I pray that the little girl and her new baby are filled with your grace God. If she does not know you, then I hope she learns of your great love soon. She has lost her innocence and her childhood to a very sick man who was her father figure.

Flag Burning

Lot's of talk on Christian Radio (100.7 FM in Dallas) about the possibility of an amendment being created to make it a federal crime to burn/desicrate the American Flag. I am very partriotic person, standing up to all sorts of people at work and on the web, defending America the Great. Do you want to hear something interesting, though? I think that the amendment is a BAD idea. Let me tell you why.

As a Christian, I put God above all. If we allow this amendment to pass, then we are saying that God is below the flag. We can desicrate (HEAVEN FORBID!) the Christian faith and MAYBE, you can get hit with a hate crime (although not very likely), but burn a piece of red, white, and blue cloth and go to PRISON for at leat 10 years? No. Where will it stop? If I have a flag decal on my vehicle and it becomes unusable and I decide to scrape it off, are you going to have be thrown in jail?

I think people who feel they need to vent should deal with the community and their disdain for the flag burner (not violence, just boycotting), not the Feds.

Dat's what I think!

Where Did They Come From?

Listening to arguments from various sources regarding the recent SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) decision regarding the posting of The Ten Commandments on Government property got me to thinking. If Constitution is to be honored as the primary legal document of the United States, then we were given certain rights by Our Creator, God. The Constitution explains these to us. The rights are not given by man, just enforced by our government.

Now let's look at this through different eyes, those eyes of our mislead brethren, the liberals. If God did not give us the rights as the Constitution says, but the rights are given to us by the government of the US, then the US has the right to take them away. If that is the case, why are the liberals so upset when a right we have is being perceived as in danger of being taken away? We know as Christians that,"The Lord giveth, and The Lord taketh away". If the Government gives, why can't it take away as well?

Now we know liberals do not want any form of religion anywhere near government, even though we were established as a nation on Judeo-Christian values. Many state government have constitutions that refer very heavily on verbiage about God. If that is the case and the we are to believe the way the liberals are interpreting the Constitution of the US, then all the state Constitution's are UNCONSTITUTIONAL. I am not going to go into great detail, but I want you to think about the US Constitution, the state constitutions, freedom OF religion (not freedom FROM religion), and the liberals of the US (and the world for that matter). Liberals do not think religion has any place in government and that our Constitution spells that out. Those liberals are misinterpreting the document. It states "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." in regards to religious freedoms. Where do you see that you cannot have the Ten Commandments (which is honored among many religions as "sound doctrine") in a courthouse?

I realize I am not a constitutional lawyer, I am a layman. Judges INTERPRET the law, they do not write it.

"Paul" update

Quick update...I need to get to work!

"Paul" came to work Friday and he was there yesterday (Monday) as well. I chatted with him about being out three days (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday). In a nutshell, he is denying he took anything other than his Paxil (his legal scripts). While he was at work and under the influence of WHATEVER he was taking he admitted to taking Ice (baaaaaddd stuff). A good friend/colleague of ours asked "Paul" Friday, "Were you high on something Monday?". "Paul" denied being high, but you cannot fool our friend, "Ben".

"Paul" stated he had a boring weekend, just watching movies, not going out or doing anything. I wish he would take the hints I drop his way (about his past, the Bible, God, the Promise Keeper magazines in my office, etc), or get back into walking and talking with me, but he wont.

God, hear my cries. Please send an angel to sit with "Paul", show him the way. I am not getting the job done alone. I beseech you for help. I realize it may take a crisis for him to understand and see the light, if so, so be it. I will be there for him.

Well, off to work, it has been crazy the past couple of days, at work and with finances.

Thou Shall Not Murder

I have always believed that God did not mean "kill", when he gave Moses the 10 commandments. There is a difference in the two. If a man breaks into your home with the intent of killing/raping someone in your home, taking his life is not murder, you have ended his life. You defended yourself. This is murder. The man is evil personified.

Why do people murder? Many feel it is a psychological issue, some feel it is just a bad person. Still others think it is a matter of a person being possessed by demons. I am unsure. I would not want to bet on any one of those, but more of a combination of the three. It is not hard to fathom people who are weak spirited being tempted and convinced by Satan to murder others.

What is frightening is that this man was an active member of his church for many, many years. This only goes to show you the Devil can hide anywhere. I fear he is active in many churches. He takes control of those who are weak and those people begin to erode at the fabric of the church. I have seen adulterers, thieves, liars, and cheats ... Satan is everywhere.

BtW have you noticed how serial killers always look a little bit like someone you know? Mr. Rader is no exception. I am sorry, but this guy looks like a man I used to work for named Jack.

My Testimony

No, this is not my profession of faith, just an update on the Testimony I gave at our church last week.

I got up and started with a bit of humor about how nervous I was and I received a polite, but sincere round of laughter, which helped. I detest speaking in front of large groups. I get very nervous. I bet it is a pride thing, since at that point, I am not in control (but are we ever really in control?) and I feel the whole world can see me as a nervous little boy, not a strong confident man.

My testimony was on the Men's Ministry at our church, and how it has affected me and my family. I kept it at just about 5 minutes, and covered most everything I wanted to cover. I received a much healthier round of applause than I expected. While my voice did not crack much, my hands shook uncontrollably. I felt horrible.

But, I did what God wanted me to do. The real surprising thing that happened was I received a letter (not an e-mail) from one of the older ladies in our church telling me that she thought I did a great job, and to keep giving testimonies and it would become easier each time. She had been in my Start-Up group and plans on joining our Care Group when it officially starts up again. She has such a servant's heart, and a neat last name.

I also received several "Good Job!" comments from many of the congregation. I know they were just being polite, but it DID go better than I had expected.

I do not think I mentioned this before, but I have been baptized in the Methodist Church (The Methodist Sprinkle), and while that is accepted by our church, I get the feeling that God is asking me to make a public show of faith by getting a baptism by immersion in the church's Baptismal Font. I am not sure why, but I believe it is divinely inspired.

I hope I did not offend anyone with the "sprinkle" comment. That was not my intention. I originally was very satisfied with my Baptism, but now I am unsure. I need to talk to our pastor. When in doubt, go to your elders! Good advice to live by, eh?

So have you been Baptized and received the Holy Spirit? How? When?

I would love to know.

Update Before I Leave Work

"Paul" did not come to work today. This is the 3rd day he has missed this week. I do not want to inquire too much, or it may look suspicious...let me tell you why. Yesterday, I took a leap of faith and asked my boss (A Divinity student) what I should do if I suspected that a colleague had a substance abuse problem. He looked at me and I said, "Tim, it is not me, but I will not tell you who until I know what the policy is." We chatted about what I suspected, what I had observed, and what I felt. "I want to do the ethical thing - the right thing", I told him. He agreed and told me since he is new to the policies of the company we work for, he would investigate.

"Paul" has a valid, legal prescription for Paxil and he has taken other anti-depression (Xanex/Zoloft?) drugs in addition to the illegal street drugs he takes for recreation. I have been told that he has a close friend, who is studying to be a pharmacist, is dealing to him. He goes to Raves, clubbing, and if truth be known, I think their is a darker sin he is hiding. I will not mention it but I have wondered about it for some time. He needs away from those people. He needs a change of venue.

My wife is trying to put together brochure for her boss. She brought home some photos and asked me to scan them for her, which I did. She is trying to insert them into the newly formed brochure, but she is having some difficulties. I told her that I would cut work early (hey, I worked through my lunch!) and come down.

I have been transferring all of our home movies from VHS to digital files, later to be transferred to DVD. I am having difficulties editing the raw footage. I have never been very good at media editing, I am more of a hardware/software config guy, not an A/V technician. I have all the tools, I just need to figure out how to do it. I can build PC's load Linux or Windows, create networks, set up motion activated cameras and have the pictures on a web site and make web pages but I cannot cut up my raw video data and merge it into a usable format.

I am such a geek.

Sadness Hits Like a Stone

My wife went to say goodbye to one of her friends last night. Ruth had been my wife's friend for less than a year, but my wife cared for her very much. They met at the dog park, each walking her own dog. My wife was led by the Spirit to talk to Ruth and she is glad that she listened. Ruth needed a friend.

Ruth's dog, Honey, was a Golden Retriever who was in pain. She was old and had medical issues. No amount of surgery was going to help her, and the poor dog's days were numbered. Ruth had done everything she could to keep Honey going, but it was a losing battle. Enter my wife, the assistant to Saint Assissi (that is what we call her), the patron saint of animals. She offers words of advice to Ruth and the two become friends.

Timing is not something that God wants us to understand about him. Honey was in her golden years and in pain. Ruth wanted her to live on, but knew that it was wrong to let an animal suffer. Ruth was also almost out of Seminary(why do Divinity students have it so hard with faith?) , getting ready to take a couple of mission trips and then move back to NY state within 6 months. My wife would be there for her (well, Ruth and Honey) and then both Ruth and Honey would leave my wife. No, Ruth did not die but she did make the decision to put Honey down and the vet (who is not a Christian, but is very moral) said it was the right thing to do. God was allowing Ruth to make a hard choice, and my wife was part of that equation.

I am positive that God put my wife into Ruth's life for a reason. Ruth had a lot of issues that my wife was perfectly suited to help with. The problem with Honey, Ruth's questioning her faith and her attitude of not sharing (which was completely reversed by God!) were the biggest. My wife got Ruth to assist the church in moving a family that is a bit less fortunate that Ruth is (she is used to the finer things in life most of the time. Her townhome cost more than our house), helped her through Honey's eutheniasia, and helped Ruth distribute almost all her possesions to those who could use them when she decided to move back to NY. Ruth was kind to me through my wife, by giving her 2 huge Italian book cases for my office.

Ruth told my wife that her mission trips were tough. She saw so much poverty, she cried. The same thing happened when my wife went to Matamoros, Mexico. That is one poor city. My wife cried for hours after she returned.

Ruth leaves (for good) to NY state today. She met with my wife and our Golden-Boxer mix, Maggie Mae for a few hours last night. Ruth gave my wife a 1 lb bag of Guatamalan coffee (from her last mission trip) and the two talked and said their goodbyes. My wife came home upset. She does not handle goodbyes very well, especially extended ones. She is going to miss Ruth.

My wife does not have a lot of close friends, but the few she has had tend to move away to other states, so my wife cannot see them as much as she likes. Yes, there is e-mail and phone, but for my wife that is just not the same. Her closest friends have moved to Minnesota, Indiana, and Alabama.

My wife loves her friends almost as much as she loves Jesus. When those friends are not close to her physically, she hurts. You should have seen how upset she was when I told her we were moving from NC to TX 4 years ago. If looks could kill... :-)

I know my wife will manage, but she clearly is hurting now. I hope she remembers that Jesus is the best friend she ever will have, and he never leaves.

Not Sure what to Do.

It has been a while since I have posted. I was going to post Monday, but an issue at work was on my mind and I could not shake it. The same issue held my thoughts most of Tuesday as well as last night. Today, new information about Monday's issue has really given me more to think of.

I have a colleague who I will call "Paul". Paul is 30 something, single, has a roommate and has, what is in my opinion, a chemical dependency -- a drug addiction. He has taken Ice and Ecstasy in the past and I think I have heard him talking about Crystal Meth. If you search for these drugs and read the effects they have on you, you will see why I am so worried.

I came to work on Monday, my first day back from my 2 week vacation and asked "Paul" how the past 2 weeks were. He immediately started rambling on in incoherent sentences, starting several conversation threads and not completing any of them. He looked very tired, but wired as well. I know that seems impossible, but if you could have seen him, you would understand. He had explained to me that he had been up for over 48 hours and was taking some medication on top of the illegal drugs he had taken the previous 2 days. I told him he was foolish, tried to get him to go home, told him he needs to stop this or it will kill him, etc. He told me that he knows he should not take the illegal drugs, but he does not do it "all that much". He missed yesterday and today. I do not know if it is related or not, but I believe it is.

"Paul" was raised on Christian values, although he did not go to church much. He has read the bible as a child, but is very agnostic today. I have been praying for him for months. He really is a good guy. He has a servants heart, but he does not realize it. He has loaned money to people freely, sold some of his used electronics to friends for very good prices (which he did use to buy newer electronics), has given me an old PC as well as some PC equipment, etc. I have talked to him about my relationship with God, hoping that seeds would be planted and he would see the light.

He has told me a few times in the past that he is going to quit, that he does not need to use the drugs, but he keeps going back. I assume that is one clear sign he is an addict. He also has shown up for work high and missed work because of drugs/alcohol in the past. 2 more very good signs of addiction.

What should I do? Tell him to get help or I will get it for him, risking my job and my good name? Contact HR? Talk to my boss or "Paul's" boss? Keep praying? I know know that God wishes for all of us to walk with him. I have prayed and I get the impression that God wants me to have one last talk with him. I wish "Paul" was here today. I really want to talk to him. Maybe I can see if he is online and talk to him.

What to do...

Back from Vacation

I am finally back from vacation, and settling into my normal routine. I was blessed while I was gone by getting a letter from my son (he is away at Basic Training), and upon my return home, was blessed again with a phone call and another letter. We have written him back and sent a couple of photos. The Army is very strict about what we can send him. Anything that does not meet their strict guidelines is destroyed. Period. If you would like to write him, please e-mail me. I must have all your contact info before I give out his mailing address. Once I get that, I can send on the format that is required for mailing him letters. He really needs people to write to him.

My wife is in the process of painting the living room. I want to give here a lot of credit. I do not like to paint and she has allowed me to do a lot of other things while she paints. I cook, wash dishes, fold laundry, cut the grass, walk the dogs and do other things. This is week number two of my two week vacation. The first week I was visiting my mom, sis, and friends in WV. While my mom and some of my friends there are Christian, my sis and most of my other friends are not. This was a bit painful, since I care for them deeply and I see them struggling with their lives. If they would only give themselves to the Lord they would be so much better off.

The weather was hot and humid. Many of my friends are "financially challenged" and do not have A/C in the entire house, choosing to use window units in their bedrooms to keep cool at night. Mom has A/C and she finally used it. She is a bit old-fashioned and does not like to "waste electricity" on such a luxury as A/C.

The drive up (Friday and Saturday) was good and uneventful. I stopped off at the halfway point of my drive up (and back) to camp at Natchez Trace State Park in Tennessee. It was nice, but a bit humid. No rain that night, although it had rained a few days before and everything was still damp.

When I finally made it home to visit, I spent the rest of Saturday (the day I arrived) and all of Sunday with Mom, Sis, and her kids. We went to her small church on Sunday. We went early to visit with her friends there, and after a good sermon, came home to eat. Since mom had forgotten to take anything out of the freezer, we did not eat until 2 PM, way past my normal lunch time. I managed to survive.

Monday, Mom had a storage building delivered and we chatted off and on all day. Tuesday, I loaded up her shed with her lawn tools and installed a tool rack for her. I put in her mower, lawn cart, chainsaw, trimmers, and the rest of the tools and we still had plenty of room left for her to fill up. I am sure she will.

I spent each day with mom and my nephews, helping out where I could. I walked the mall a few times with one of my friends, and also walked the park with my sis and by myself. I had errands to run and My friend Keith chauffeured me around, He has a big heart. His car does not have A/C so he was constantly buying me ice cream and Gatorade to rehydrate me.

My evenings were spent with my other two friends, Rob and Brenda. Both are recent additions to Christ's Kingdom and are growing in faith at a rapid pace. Both are very active in their church which is down the street from Mom's house. They are very giving people. I have known them for about 15 years or so, right after I divorced my first wife. They always insist I come by every night to visit with them when I come to town.

I visited my Dad's and Grandma and Grandpa's grave. I did not get out to the other cemetery to see my other Grandparents graves. I should have and I feel bad about not doing so. Hard to believe that Dad and Grandma have been gone 3 years.

Keith and I had lunch at Ryan's on Thursday, since I was leaving early on Friday. I wanted to have breakfast with him on Friday, but I needed to get back on the road. I can only drive about 8-10 hours before I need to stop for the day and it is a 18-19 hour drive. The first day of my drive back was uneventful, but the following day was marred with rain and bad traffic. I still made pretty good time. Including my pit stops for gas, toilet, and food, It took only about 20 hours total. Not bad.

I was glad to get home and so was my wife. She was a bit stressed not having me or my son to help her with the myriad of things she does on a daily basis. I would have to agree with her that I did not realize how helpful it is to have our son around. He does a lot. I miss him. A lot.

Reflecting back on my trip, I am glad I do not normally make it more than once a year. It is a hard trip to take and is very bittersweet. I love my family and friends, but to see the way they live is heartbreaking. My mom is a packrat, keeping broken, rusted and rotten items in her basement. She has cleared out a lot of it, but she still has a way to go. I think my dad was the reason. He was raised during the Depression and people saved everything, not knowing if they would need it in hard times. Mom had a habit of saving wire bread ties, plastic butter and ice cream buckets, bread bags, popsicle sticks and a lot more. We have finally gotten her to recycle what she could.

Enough rambling...I should have regular posts in the next few days or so. Not much free time. I am supposed to give a testimony at church on Sunday...pray for me...I do not like speaking to large groups.

Another Milestone

Last night, I finished the last chapter in my "1 to 1 Discipling" class. It is normally a 10 week class, but my mentor and I have pretty full schedules. It was difficult to meet every week, so it took longer than expected.

My mentor, Fred is a wonderful Christian man, who was raised in a Christian home. Upon our first meeting, we shared how we came to know Christ. He was surprised to learn of my past errors and seemed very surprised to see where I was in my Christian walk considering the short amount of time I have been a Christian. We were about as opposite as we could be when were were young, although our paths are much more aligned now.

Fred and his wife invited my wife and I over to their home for dinner before Fred and I began our last lesson. Fred and his wife had a chance to get to know my wife a bit better and we all shared some good conversation.

The meal was excellent and I but I was itchin' to get started on my final lesson, which was on obedience. It was a short chapter, but it had a lot of scripture to reference and questions to answer. It took a while to go over each question, but after we finished, he congratulated me and gave me a mentoring guide and asked me if I would consider mentoring someone. I was a bit surprised, but I told him I would be honored. I am no scholar in biblical matters, but I know the one simple truth that guides me: Jesus Christ Died For Me.

Fred was kind and said I made a great student, which made me a bit embarrassed. I am only the second student he has graduated in the past few years. He has 3 or 4 other students, but they are not very far along. I know their schedules are conflicting.

I think this was a great way to begin my vacation, which begins tomorrow. I will not be able to post as much as I like, but I am going to try.