April 2015. I was dreading April because my contract with AT&T U-verse was expiring and I would either need to call AT&T and try to haggle for a better rate or just pay the inflated price. I remember the last contract negotiation, but not clearly. I know I was on the phone for at least 15 minutes talking to someone who said they could help me then they transferred me to someone else who asked the same questions all over again. I did not like it then and I was dreading it now, but at $155 (this includes ~ $22 in taxes and fees...thanx AT&T) a month for TV (U200) and internet (18 meg download speed) was too high for my taste. I record a lot but to be honest a lot of what I record I could catch on demand from the websites or watch on Hulu. I don't watch a lot of "live" TV but every now and then I binge on HDTV or Food network or even SyFy when the weather sucks too much to be outside. We don't "need" TV but it is easier than trying to cut the cord and have my wife learn to use YAED (Yet Another Electronic Device) and if I can get the price close to $125-130 a month she will not complain too much about it.
I have a lull at work so I look up my info, get my account number, and call AT&T customer service. I follow the voice IVR (to their credit it worked without a hitch) to cancel my TV service and finally get connected to Max* who asks me why I am cancelling. I tell him the current, non-promo rate is too high and if I have a choice, I will keep internet over TV service. "I completely understand that, sir" he says...about 50 times over the course of the next 15 minutes.
He tells me they have an offer for U300 (includes Skinemax, Showtime, and Starz) for only $119 a month (which is a good deal but for my wife, it is no bueno) and I tell him that if he did the math, that is not cheaper than my last deal (my last promotion was $131, including taxes and fees so if you add the $119 plus the ~$20 in fees it goes up to about $140 which is 1bout $10 more than I pay now). He then has the balls (maybe he is just not fully aware of the pricing) that the $119 Includes all fees...the only thing extra would be tax and he goes to look at my bill and see the tax is generally low.
I explain to him that I am pretty sure his $119 does not include the fees but if he will get that to me in writing I will seriously consider it (which I knew he could not so I was not worried there). He actually argues with me for 5 minutes or so about this (He does not call it "arguing", he calls it "educating" me. After a while he gives up and tells me he is not sure what he can do so I tell him that if he can get me a promo on U200,with the speed of internet I have now, I will keep the service. If not, I will be just as happy to cancel and look elsewhere for TV service. That is when he tells me he has the exact same package I have now for $109 a month plus...wait for it...taxes and fees (amazing how the fees were there all along...) which puts me just at what I am paying now, give or take a buck or two.
At this point I think I am finished BUT NO! THERE'S MORE! Tell them what else happens, Don!
Now I have to sit and listen to his home phone service sales pitch and when that is over, how he can get me an iPad in an assortment of colors if I want one, with data service for when I am out of wi-fi range. I politely listen and finally when he finishes I tell him we already have a tablet, and laptops so he goes ON to tell me he can sell me data. All the time saying, "I completely understand" and how he is just educating me on the new technology, you know because I am such a Luddite.
After 15 of the most painful minutes in my life are over, he asks me if he can do anything else. I really want to say "NO!" but I still need to know what my new bill will be, so I ask him to recalculate it and after a couple of minutes he says, "Sir, you will not have to guess what the next bill will be. I am going to give you XYZ credit and you only need to send in $109.00. The following bill will be on the regular billing cycle and you will have to pay $109.00 plus taxes and fees." It may have only been 16 minutes, but it felt like an hour. Honestly, my workouts hurt less than these calls do.
I know why they do things like they do, but I wish it was not so. It would be so much nicer to get a "good customer credit/rate adjustment" once a year instead of the torture we have to endure. I don't want to be rude but my time is valuable to me...I do not want to spend it on the phone with someone who "completely understands" and "completely appreciates me", at least in scripted form.
Well, at least that is over with for another year.
*The name he used, which may or may not be real so I have no bones about using it here.
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