Always Bittersweet

I recently returned from my yearly pilgrimage to WV to visit family and friends. I always have stated that the trip has become bittersweet over the past few years. While I enjoy hitting the road and visiting family and friends, the feeling is short lived and I long to get back home to my wife and dog.

My trip has become rather routine and predictable over the past 5 years or so. Once a year, usually in late August/early September, I pack up the minivan with my cloths and more electronics than one person needs (camera, laptop, cell phone, PDA, cables, and power cords) along with some basic camping supplies and hit the road. My trip takes me from the city we live in through several miles of Texas FM (Farm to Market) roads until I get to I-30. From there I drive on I-30 through Texarkana until I get to Little Rock, Arkansas. In LR, I pick up I-40 and stay on it until I hit a little state park in TN. There, I find the flattest camp site I can find (I have gotten the same one the past 3 years) and park the van. Depending on my mood and the weather, I will pitch a tent or sleep in the van. The van has gotten the most use the past 4 years or so since the weather has been mostly wet but I have pitched the tent a couple of times. I will also build a fire if the mood strikes me but the past two trips I have not. Instead I have opted to go hiking/geocaching in the park until it gets dark. At some point I will grab a bite to eat, either in the park or at a fast food joint before I arrive.

After a good nights sleep (or fitful, depending on the weather and level of noise from other campers) I wake up, shower, eat, and get back on the road. I-40 runs all the way to the NC coast, but I jump off of I-40 in Nashville and pick up I-65. I take I-65 up past Bowling Green, KY until I get to Elizabethtown and then I pick up The Blue Ridge Parkway. The BRP is a wonderful and scenic highway that runs from E-town (as the locals call it) to Lexington, KY. If you plan the route properly you can see Martin's Castle, a real castle built by a man as a wedding present for his wife. I think it is now a pricey bed and breakfast, but at one time it was a private residence.

After that I pick up I-64 into WV, up to Charleston. At that point I make the last major turn off to I-79 to my home town just south of Fairmont. I really enjoy that drive. KY and TN can be beautiful. I am not forgetting that WV is one fantastic state, but KY comes in a close second.

Once I get into town, I stop and unload my gear at mom's house. We chat for several hours until we are both very tired then we retire to our respective rooms. Sleep comes quickly and sometimes the night is just not long enough.

The next morning (Sunday...I always start my trip on Friday) mom and I go to church at her very small country church. I think they have a normal attendance of about 15-20 people. It makes or church of 100 seem large.

After church we grab a bite to each, usually fast food (mom is not much for a nice sit down meal, much to my chagrin) and then we head back home. We chat and catch up on things and usually one or both of us will want a nap...most likely me.

The rest of the week is divided up visiting family and friends and helping mom with things she cannot do on her own. I have weeded her flower beds, cut down and trimmed bushes, removed tree stumps, put up ceiling fans, clean out her basement, removed storm debris, and countless other small tasks during my visits.

A couple of years ago my closest friends took me geocaching and ever since I have made that past time a focal point of my leisure time in WV. My first year we only went out once, the second year we went out at least three times, and this year we only made it out once due to weather (this has been the stormiest/wettest Spring I remember).

I have rather fond memories of my trips back home but as I stated earlier, it is a bittersweet trip. Along about the third day or so, mom kinda shuts down. She does not speak much (maybe she has run out of things to say) and she does not want to do much. She seems disappointed that I will not sit for hours and hours watching TV or reading. Being an active guy, I like to do things and WV is a great state to do things in. I have tried countless times to get my mom out of the house but she firmly, but politely refuses to leave. So what I have tried to do is to spend the morning with her each day if possible and the late afternoon/early evening with friends. While not the perfect solution, it is better than going stir crazy in her house each day.

I guess one of the reasons why this trip is bittersweet is that while I know she loves me, mom does not many things to make me feel welcomed. Example. Most people keep staples (normal food items) around the house: Milk, bread, fruit, cold cuts, cereal, and junk food. Mom really doesn't. She does not drink milk and what she keeps is her own mixture of powdered milk and cheap fresh milk. She keeps only a quart at a time in her fridge. She does not normally keep cereal around (she does not eat it) so I bring breakfast bars in with me so I can at least have something for breakfast. The bread she keeps is the cheapest white bread (usually day old) you can get. She does keep cold cuts but most of the time it is ham. I am not a big fan of ham ever since my food poisoning incident 20 years ago. She rarely if ever buys turkey or roast beef. If she has anything other than ham, it is usually a very cheap brand of bologna. I like bologna as long as it is of good quality. Mom buys on price only. The only fruit I eve see her have are apples and sometimes bananas. I like them both but she rarely keeps them around.

On top of this, she rarely cooks. Her idea of cooking is throwing something in the microwave. Now I fully understand that since she lives by herself, cooking a big meal is not always the best choice, but most of what she eats can be frozen and she has a freezer to put it in (albeit it is full of her favorite frozen food...cheap frozen dinners). Is it any wonder I eat out a fair amount of the time I am in?

Most of the time when a person visits, the host will make sure the guest has things they like. Mom rarely does that. Now, when dad was alive, my trips in were great. Food was plentiful and in great variety. Now that he has passed on, mom fends for herself.

The general theme with my mom is cheap. Not frugal, not thrifty, but cheap. She used to buy these large cans of grapefruit juice (off-brand of course) to keep for breakfast. While not the best stuff in the world, at least it was juice. When I visited her the last time, I asked if she had any juice and she told me, "I stopped buying juice. Do you know they went up on price 17 cents? That is just ridiculous!" Mom has stopped eating and drinking her favorite foods just because they increased in price a few cents.

Knowing mom is tight with her money, I try to help her out. I buy our meals when we go out, even though my wife and I are on a tight budget. I want to do this if she would just get out of the house.

I have to give her credit though. When I came in this last time, she had all the staples and she even went out to eat twice with me. Now both times were fast food, but it is a start. At least one of those meals was good (T&L Hot Dogs...yummy. The other was LJS...greasy).

This little battle goes on each time I visit and progressively gets worse until the day I pack up and head back home. My wish is that she has some of my favorite WV comfort food (Pepperoni Rolls, WV hot dogs, Giovanni steak sandwiches) handy when I come in but each and every year (with a few exceptions) she just goes on with her life as usual.

Back when dad was alive and my wife and I were living in NC, mom and dad came down to NC from WV to NC to visit us and see the house we bought. It was not much to look at...1850 sq ft brick home (the only brick home in the neighborhood) that was nearly a perfect cube...I called it the Borg home. I only had a small front stoop up front (no roof) and a large concrete patio in back (again, no roof). It was not well designed but it had charm. Anyway, mom and dad came down one Thanksgiving shortly after we bought the house. My wife and I did everything we could to make mom and dad comfortable. We made sure they had coffee to drink (we were not big coffee drinkers at that time) and any food they needed we had on hand. Dad was not a turkey person so my wife and I made sure he had his favorite meat, ham to eat. We bought a small Smithfield ham and fixed it for him and made sure he took the leftovers home. He was thrilled.

Mom doesn't do that. The only reason she had things this time was because my sister made her buy them. Mom almost refused stating that, "He brings his own food in to eat". My sister just laughed because the only things I ever bring are yogurt and cereal bars...stuff I can eat on the road during my two day drive. I just bring enough to last me the week while I am in since mom doesn't keep cereal around.

When my last full day visiting arrives, mom and I both feel it. She does not want to let go of her oldest son who lives 1200 miles away and I hate leaving her, despite all her quirks. However, we both know I need to go. When dad was alive, every year he would try to get me to stay "just one more day" but staying one more day meant driving all day and night to get back home and we all know that is dangerous.

The day I leave to go back to Texas, I am usually up before mom, packing the van and making sure I don't leave anything I need behind. Now that I travel with a small army of electronics, this step is critical. More than once I have left shoes, clothes, hats, or books that mom had to mail back to me.

The trip back is the same as the trip to WV, albeit with one small change. The past two years my friends Block has invited me to spend the night at his and his sister's house instead of the campground. They live in Memphis and this adds about two hours to my trip but the offer of a dry place to sleep is too good to pass up. Block is a good friend who has stuck by me since high school.

Upon arriving back to Texas, I am tired but happy to be home. I kiss my wife, pet the dog, unload the van and begin to tell stories of my trip. My wife says I went on vacation, but I know that what I have been through is not a vacation. It is work and the enjoyment during that 9 days (four days of driving - two up and two back) is minimal. I eat food that I do not like, sleep in a home that is not comfortable (dust, mold, etc), and drive for 10 hours a day for four days. Yes, the visiting with friends and the geocaching is great, but far from a vacation. Vacation comes when my wife, my dog and I go to Florida. That is a vacation.